tangaroa ([personal profile] tangaroa) wrote2016-12-17 10:20 pm

Crash Champions: Thunder and Silence (rough draft)

Here's an idea that I got one morning and spent the whole rest of the day writing down. Might as well publish.


The Boddy Estate

It is a dark and stormy night outside the Boddy Estate, a Victorian mansion.

A group of detectives enter the mansion. They resemble Sam Spade, Sherlock Holmes, Jessica Fletcher, Charlie Chan, and other familiar faces. They badmouth and berate each other like the parodies in Murder By Death but are even more abrasive because they are only going to be on screen for a minute.

Lightning flashes and the power goes out, leaving them in darkness. The detectives insult each other again, their voices rising as they nearly come to blows.

Lightning flashes and thunder booms, and there is silence and darkness.

The Boddy Estate at morning

Morning breaks through the mansion's windows. Every one of the detectives is dead, sprawled all over the room. One of the bodies is hanging by a noose from a slowly spinning ceiling fan. Another has knives in his body. In the foreground, an open bottle of poison sits next to someone's drink. Spread across the ground are at least two pistols, an axe, a lead pipe, a broken candlestick, and other murder implements. There is no blood. This is PG.

At the open front door stands a group of teenagers with a Great Dane dog. One of the teenagers says: "Gee golly! It's a mystery!"

Cut to opening credits.

Act 1

Zexler's base

Metal Knight is playing a Dragonforce song while Solaria and Sunny take turns singing. Both of them miss notes and sing off-key. They are having fun but not taking it seriously.

Mick's base

Celestia and Jill discuss their future plans.

Celestia intends, at some point in the future, to return to her world to reforge her magic-absorbing sword which has been damaged from battle and from using a phaser to charge her magic power. She wants to bring along Alex for security and Ceilidh in case they need an extra mage, but she considers Natasha to be too much of a risk due to the sensitive diplomatic situation.

Jill: "Didn't they want to kill you for some reason?"

Celestia nods and says that the diplomacy may need to be extra sensitive.

Jill: "So you need me to babysit Tasha. Not a problem."

Celestia also wants to return to the Trekkieverse to get a replacement phaser since hers is signaling that it is below half power. For that task, Celestia will want Jill to control the ship while Celestia attempts to negotiate.

While they are talking, Celestia receives an odd message from Zexler. It says that Metal Knight is planning to participate in a musical contest on an outer world where the people are accustomed to friendly monsters. He wants Celestia to audition to sing for him. This surprises Celestia since she does not think of herself as a singer. However, the computer does list singing as one of her talents.

One detail in the message surprises Jill. He wants Celestia to sing an Ozzy Osbourne song? Celestia has not heard of this composer, but Jill does not think that Osbourne's style would match Celestia.


Celestia passes the audition. Sideplots happen. The rest of the team is doing something. They still have this week's tournament fights to compete in.

Departure from Zexler's base

Jill takes Celestia to Zexler's base. Celestia leaves Jill in charge of the team, and Jill departs in Mick's ship.

Harkness arrives with Dick Wood who will be playing bass. She informs Zexler that the standard terms apply if anything happens to him under Zexler's care. Zexler nods along. This is normal business.

The group departs on Zexler's ship. Solaria tags along for moral support.

Act 2: The Haunted Mansion

Concert preparations

At the destination world, the team gets ready for the concert.

Nearby, a group of three teenage girls with rocker outfits and frizzy '80s hair is reading a newspaper.

Girl 1: "Like, oh migawd, did you read this?

Girl 2: "That is so horrible!"

Girl 3: "Let's investigate it!"

The girls leave.

Dick Wood says "wasn't that one of the other bands?"

Celestia retrieves the newspaper to see what they were looking at. She opens the paper and everyone gathers around to read it.

Zexler: "It says that the Teenage Mystery Team was eaten by their own dog inside the Boddy Estate where a group of the world's foremost detectives was found dead while investigating the murder of a millionaire philanthropist named Abel Boddy."

Celestia says "it sounds like a bad haunting."

Solaria says "If they are walking into a magical threat, we should help them."

Zexler says that if anything happens to them, there will be less competition in the contest. Dick Wood chuckles in agreement.

Celestia says that they have time for a brief investigation to determine if it is a haunting, and they would be doing the world a service by getting rid of it. From the appearance of the news report, the cause of this may be too powerful for those girls to manage.

Inside the mansion

Inside the mansion are two 10-year-old children with brightly colored clothes and backpacks who look like they were pulled right out of a 1990s tryhard corporate diversity ad campaign.

Tyrone is a black boy with baggy jeans, a skateboard, a sideways-pointed baseball cap, and a T-shirt that says "Cool Kid." On his shoulder sits his companion animal, a large-eared, red-furred fennec fox.

Emily is a hyper-intelligent East Asian girl wearing glasses and a button-up shirt with a pocket protector. Her backpack looks unusually heavy.

Tyrone: "Hey Emily, what chu think is under dese blankets?"

Emily: "Those are dead bodies, Tyrone."

The boy looks under one of the blankets and says "shoooit" because the FCC won't let him say "sheeeit" in this timeslot.

The '80s rocker girls show up. We'll name them Opal, Ruby, and Amber.

Opal: "Hey! You kids should be careful. It might be dangerous in here."

Tyrone and his fox stand straight and cross their arms. Tyrone: "Yo, I'm tuff enuff to handle it."

Emily: "Maybe we should leave this mystery to someone who is older and more capable."

Ruby shirks away from a body. "Eww, they have dead bodies! EwwwwW!"

Amber: "Like, where are the cops? Isn't this a crime scene?"

Tyrone: "I dunno. We din't see no one."

Emily: "We just got here."

Opal looks into a side room and says "Oh migawd. Look at this."

They look in and see a room full of dead policemen and FBI agents.

Ruby: "Like, omigawd, they're all sleeping on the job! Wake up you lazy bums!"

Opal: "I think they're dead, Ruby."

Ruby: "They're DEAD? EEEEEEE!"

Emily: "Whoever did this killed the cops too."

Tyrone: "They're going upstate for a lonnng time."

{{TODO: write in the heroes' entrance}}

Dick Wood offers to go with the teenage girls. Celestia tells him that is not happening.

Celestia begins to get angry. Solaria notices and calms her down.

Dick Wood picks up the broken candlestick and notices that it is solid silver. He radios back to Zexler and asks if his ship has a microforge. He leaves and tells the others "I'll be back."

Mansion investigations

The three teams separately investigate the different parts of the mansion.

They all get angry with each other. The smarter ones figure out that something is trying to make them angry, and they break out of it. The rocker girls pull each others' hair and throw couch cushions at each other until Tyrone and Emily enter the room and sigh and shake their heads at them, and they are too embarrassed to keep fighting.

Zexler's ship, cargo bay

While the other heroes are investigating the mansion, Dick Wood returns to Zexler's ship with the broken candlestick and its partner.

Zexler tells Dick Wood that he broke the bass's D-string while practicing with Metal Knight, but he'll fix it before the show.

Dick Wood uses a laser to slice the candlestick into smaller pieces that can fit into the forge.

Zexler looks. "Silver weapons for a haunted house?" He pats Dick Wood on the shoulder and says "You're smarter than you look."

The mansion

Somebody gets plot savvy and says that evil stuff always comes from the basement, so they all go down there.

They encounter an ethereal spirit of anger.

Celestia talks to the spirit. The spirit explains that it was not responsible for the murder of Abel Boddy but it saw the house listed on housereviews.market after his death and decided to move in.

It was to the spirit's advantage that Abel Boddy was interested in the dark arts. The whole house is configured to control and reroute dark energy.

Tyrone tells his fox to get ready to fight. The fox leaps onto the ground and takes an aggressive stance.

Emily puts her backpack on the ground, as if to open it and unleash something, but hesitates.

Solaria shouts "Solar power!" and transforms into her combat form. She warns the others that she won't get much power from the sun in the basement.

Opal shouts "Resonant prism!" and transforms into an even poofier-haired and more obnoxiously dressed '80s rocker stereotype.

Solaria looks at the two other rocker girls Ruby and Amber and tells them to transform. They say "we don't have magic powers." She says "then get out of here!" and shoos them out of the room.

Tyrone and Emily leave as well. Tyrone tells his fox "You know what to do!"

Celestia leads the fight. It is a battle of technique rather than force, as Celestia attempts to keep the wispy monster in a form where it can be damaged.

Solaria keeps the room lit and attacks with small bursts of light, but cannot use most of her spells without the sun's power.

The fox breathes fire at the monster, but has to recover after every breath. It quickly gets tired and retreats from the fight.

Opal attacks with glittery sparkles that stick to the monster but have no apparent effect on it. She complains "Glitter doesn't work on it!" Celestia yells back that it's working better than she knows, and to keep using it.

The mansion, above the basement

Upstairs, the non-magic users talk.

Emily: "That one lady said she needed sun power. Let's set up a chain of mirrors to redirect light from the windows through that door and downstairs."

Tyrone: "I got another idea. How would you like to cause more damage to the house than we will ever make from both of our allowances for our whole lives?"

Emily smiles maliciously.

Instant scene shift. The rocker girls break down side walls of the room using sledgehammers. Emily, standing on a chair, removes the screws from the doorhinge and takes down the door to the room. A grinning Tyrone uses a jackhammer while wearing a construction hard hat sideways.


Sunlight breaks into the basement. Solaria starts hitting the monster with powerful spells.

The monster retreats into a circle that was drawn on the floor. The walls glow as the monster activates one of Boddy's sigils. There is a flash. All of the fighters' magic attacks stop.

The monster gloats. "I have used one of Abel Boddy's prepared spells to cancel your magic powers. My powers still work. What are you going to do now?"

The fighters open their mouths to speak, but they cannot.

Celestia draws her phaser and fires.

Monster: "Yeow!"

Celestia shoots it again.

Monster: "That hurts, whatever it is. I'm getting out of here."

The monster swirls and flies up the basement stairs where Dick Wood shoots it in the face. He steps down the basement stairs, firing his shotgun into the monster as he sings to the tune of "Silver Bells".

"Silver Shells..." (blam)
"Silver Shells..." (blam)
"Make evil die..." (blam) "something something..."

Yes, he says "something something" out loud.

The monster says "I've had enough of this" and disperses into a cloud of ash and glitter that flies to a back corner of the room.

Dick Wood tries to get an update from the others but they are unable to talk. They try to use gestures. At first he thinks they mean for him to be quiet, but they correct him and keep gesturing until he understands that they cannot talk.

The team moves there to see a bookshelf where there is one glittery tome with a metal lock around it. They pull it out and toss it on the floor.

Dick Wood: "So it's a magic book that stops women from talking. Can I keep it?"

Solaria gives Dick Wood a light slap to the back of the head with the back of her hand. Celestia follows up and does the same thing. Opal, not knowing him, hesitates. He says "Go for it." She slaps him too.

The monster book laughs. "Haha! In this form, I am invulnerable!"

Dick Wood shoots it, his silver buckshot putting small holes in the book.

Monster: "Ow!"

Celestia shoots it with her phaser. The blast is dispersed by a magic shield.

Monster: "Okay, I'm invulnerable to that at least."

Celestia draws her sword and stabs it.

Monster: "YOWWW!"

The monster disperses into gas form again and flies up the stairs.


A cloud of dust and glitter flies past the children and teenagers who follow it to a bookshelf and easily pick out the glitter-covered, burned, and battered tome from the shelves of normal books.

Emily: "Is this book what is causing people to kill each other?"

Amber: "Let me get my lighter. I think I have it..."

Ruby: "Amber, I thought you were gonna stop smoking!"

Amber: "Well this is a really stressful situation!"

Tyrone: "Set the book on fire!"

Amber and Ruby: "Yeah! That's a good idea!"

He was talking to his fox which had returned to them from the basement. The fox attempts to cough and fails.

Tyrone: "Aw, man! He's all worn out."

Amber attempts to light the book with her lighter, but it does not catch fire.

The book laughs. "Hahahaha! I am no ordinary book! You cannot harm me with fire!"

The book unlatches itself and flips itself open to a page of glowing runes. "Now before those stupid heroes get here, how would you children like to be introduced to the power of dark magic?"

Amber and Ruby say "I dunno..."

Tyrone folds his arms. "Naw, man, I'm dark enough already."

Emily dumps out the contents of her backpack. It is dirt. Just plain dirt. She yells "Shower Flower, go!" A large flower bursts out of the dirt and sprays water on the book.

The book gurgles and steam rises from it as the water disrupts its magic runes. The book rises into the air to escape and starts flapping away like a bird.

The heroes returning from the basement run after it, following it out of the house.

Mansion, front yard

The monster-book flaps away through the air.

Monster: "That house was nice, but the neighbours really--"

Dick Wood fires his shotgun and knocks the book out of the sky. It falls into a water fountain in the front courtyard.

Dick Wood runs up and meets a priest entering the property.

Dick Wood: "Excuse me, are you a priest?"

Priest: "Yes, I have come to bless this house and cleanse away any unwanted spirits...."

Dick Wood: "Can you turn this into holy water?"

Priest: "May this water be holy and blessed..."

The book screams and dissolves, leaving a layer of glitter on top of the water.


Remember that they came to sing in a music competition? Now two of the bands have singers who cannot sing.

Celestia grabs a paper and pencil and writes "Take me home."

Zexler says that it will not be the exact world that Mick had taken her from, but a dimensional copy where things may be different. She nods.

Dick Wood stays behind to practice his bassline with Metal Knight.

Act 3: False homecoming

Their ship lands outside of a walled city. An army is encamped outside the city.

Zexler wears his black power armor, takes his long plasma rifle, and says "Perhaps I should do the talking." He asks Celestia, "If anything happens to me, you can take the ship back, right?" She goes through a few menus on the ship computer, and nods in agreement.

Army camp border

Zexler walks up to the border of the army camp outside the city.

Guards: "Halt! No one goes in or out during the siege."

Zexler: "My apologies. We are travelers from far away who have come to acquire some potions of curing magical silence. I request permission to enter the city to make this purchase. Alternately, it should not interfere with your operations to allow a merchant of your choice to bring such goods to the border so we can make an exchange, in full view of your watch."

The guards send a messenger into the camp. Soon a squad of soldiers marches over, led by a short-statured officer wearing full armor and a tabard with a white-and-green diamond pattern.

Zexler: "Oh, this makes this interesting."

Celestia: "Remove your helmet. Show your face."

Zexler complies.

Celestia: (to the guards) "It's not him." (to Zexler) "What is your name, traveler? And where lie your loyalties?"

Zexler: "My name is Zexler and I am a free merchant. You might say that I am loyal to myself. I carry no banner."

Celestia: "The Empire tolerates no such lawlessness on Imperial land."

Zexler: "The Empire need not tolerate me for long. I will depart as soon as I have acquired what I came here for."

Celestia: "And what is your reason for being here?"

Zexler: "I wish to acquire a small number of potions of curing magically induced silence. Some friends of mine were afflicted while fighting a demon--"

Celestia: "Name them."

Zexler: "You will not have heard of us. We came from far away."

Celestia: "Name them."

Zexler: "One of them is Sorceress Solaria of the Planetary Order of Solar Warriors."

One of the guards writes this down.

Celestia: "Who else?"

Zexler hesitates before answering. "Sunny Delight of the Danmaku Shrine."

Celestia: "Who else?"

Zexler: "That is all."

Celestia: "You are lying."

Zexler: "I assure you that I am telling the truth about my intentions."

Celestia: "You are making up these names. There is no Planetary Order of Solar Warriors. There is no shrine named Danmaku. You appear to be nobility. We should have heard of you. Tell us your real name."

Zexler: "My real name is Antonius Zexler."

Celestia: "Who forged your armor?"

Zexler: "My armor was forged to my custom specifications by the Dracovan Arms Company at Pembrose Station near Rigel. Like I said, we are from very far away. You will not have heard of us, and after we depart, you will likely not hear from us ever again."

Celestia tells a messenger to heighten alert at all other entrances. She turns back to Zexler. "You seem intent on trying my patience."

Zexler: "My intentions are simple. I seek to enter the city to purchase a small number of common potions."

Celestia: "Nobody may enter or leave the city during the siege."

Zexler: "Then you may have one messenger boy run out a handful of potions, potions to cure magically induced silence. You will not miss them from your stores. It will take less effort than we have spent having this conversation, and I will pay handsomely in pure gold."

Celestia: "We do not sell from army stores to traveling merchants."

Zexler: "Every army I've ever dealt with has."

Celestia: "We will not deal with you. Take your airship and depart by sunrise or you will be charged with espionage for observing our siege tactics. The penalty is death."

Zexler's ship

Zexler returns to his ship. He tells Celestia, "You are laying siege to your own hometown. No wonder Mick likes you. I'm going to lift us off and fly us to another town that is not blocked off by your crazy doppelganger."

Celestia grabs his arm and shakes her head.

Zexler: "No? Do you have a better idea?"

Celestia opens a text window on the computer and starts typing.

Zexler: "That idea is stupid and will get us killed. Who made you a general?"

The prisoner gambit

Celestia leads Zexler and Solaria to the army camp as prisoners with their wrists wrapped in white plastic cabling of the type used to keep astronauts connected to the ship during spacewalks. The guards look on in surprise.

Guard 1: "Is that the Colonel?"

Guard 2: "It cannot be. She is not wearing her armor."

Guard 1: "Yeah. She never takes it off. I hear she sleeps and bathes in it."

At the entry point, the guards see that the woman approaching certainly looks like Celestia. She stands straight and stares at the guards. They immediately salute.

Zexler: "Ah, General Celestia caught us attempting to sneak into the camp for supplies. We apologise and hope to plead for her mercy."

Celestia leads Zexler and Solaria into the camp.

One of the guards offers to arrange them an escort to the brig. The other guard looks at a messenger and, with a wide eyed expression, motions for him to run to the officer's tent as fast as possible.

Officer's tent

Colonel Celestia is interrogating one of the messengers. A cage of live pigeons sits in the corner.

Messenger: "... and we included the names of the unknown sorcerers he gave us and a description of his countenance."

Celestia: "The next message will state that we gave him nothing and heightened security." She relaxes and explains her reasoning. "This black knight was clearly sent by the Emperor to see if I would break discipline during a drill. It was an obvious test. He will want to know that I passed."

Another messenger runs into the tent, breathing heavily. "Colonel!"

Army camp

Celestia walks away from her escort and into a supply tent. Some of the guards share suspicious glances at each other, but none of them think about second-guessing their commanding officer.

Officer's tent

"WHAT?" Celestia yells. She climbs over the desk and bowls over the messenger as she runs out of the tent.

Supply Tent

Celestia's retinue follows her into the supply tent. The quartermaster asks if he can be of assistance. Celestia moves past him, pries open a crate with her sword, and grabs a potion.

Colonel Celestia angrily barges into the tent, followed by a couple of guards. The guards that were following the other Celestia share confused looks with each other and with the new guards.

The Colonel says "She does look like me. I'll take her down."

Behind her, Zexler said "she is you" but the Colonel did not hear him and talked over him.

Colonel Celestia casts a lightning spell at the other Celestia.

General Celestia holds out her sword, catching the lightning with it, while she drinks the potion. Her sword begins to glow with electric power.

Colonel Celestia says "You have a sword like mine. These are difficult to make. Whoever sent you spared no expense in creating an impostor."

Behind her, Zexler had said "It is your sword. She is you." The Colonel was not listening.

General Celestia says "I am not an impostor."

Colonel Celestia yells "Take her!" and charges with four guards beside her.

General Celestia sends a spread of lighting into the guards. Colonel Celestia's sword attracted some of the lightning but not enough to protect the guards, who are all knocked out of the fight.

The two Celestias fight inside the tent. Their magic powers flow into both of their swords, and sparks fly as their swords clash.

General Celestia says "Let us fight elsewhere so we do not burn down the whole camp." She leaps into the air, floats up, and slices through the roof of the tent. Colonel Celestia follows her.

While the guards are distracted, Zexler pats Solaria on the rump and says "Drinks are on the house."

Aerial battle

In the air, the two Celestias exchange magical attacks.

Colonel Celestia: "You fight like an Infused."

General Celestia: "I am an Infused."

Colonel Celestia: "I was never told of any new infusions. Especially of any who were selected to look like us and take our place! Who sent you?"

General Celestia: "It was my choice to come here. If you would stop fighting, I could attempt to explain myself."

Colonel Celestia: "All I need to know is that you broke into my camp and tried to steal from me. I will put you down with my own sword."

She floats forward and the two clash swords. Colonel Celestia talks during the exchange of blows. "Whoever forged your sword... did a poor job! It is inferior! I see you have to deflect my magic... because you cannot absorb it all! And your weaker sword... will break!"

Another clash, and the forward third of General Celestia's sword breaks off and falls to the ground. General Celestia quickly casts a burst of magical energy that knocks the two back from each other.

Outside of the tent

Solaria starts an attack. "By the power of the Sun!"

Zexler says "Stop."

Solaria looks at him with surprise.

Zexler explains. "You are worth money to me. She is not."

Solaria asks "... but if Celestia loses, how will we escape from their angry Celestia who wants to kill us?"

Zexler lowers his helmet, powers up his plasma rifle, and takes Solaria by the arm. "Let us try quietly walking back to the ship and see if that works."


Colonel Celestia: "It's over. Your sword is broken. I can absorb anything you throw at me. You cannot."

General Celestia: "Will you now hear me out?"

Colonel Celestia: "I will be happy to hear you out when you are standing at the gallows. Until then..." She cannot finish the sentence. She begins breathing heavily.

General Celestia: "Vortex magic. Sweeps away the air. And this, I believe you are not familiar with."

A large green globe encircles Colonel Celestia, then collapses inward. There is a magical explosion as it meets the Colonel's magic defenses. She is knocked out by the shock. The Colonel falls limply, dropping her sword. As she approaches the ground, she slows and lands lightly as General Celestia casts hovering magic on her.

"Colonel!" The guards cry out in shock. Not only are they concerned for her well-being, but the Infused were supposed to be invincible. No ordinary mage is supposed to be able to defeat one, certainly not an impostor.

"General", Zexler calmly addresses his Celestia as she lands. She kneels by the other Celestia to check her health.

"Hold!" The order comes from a blonde-haired man in his fifties leading a group of crossbow-carrying horsemen. "Hold and stay ready!"

General Celestia looks up and loses her composure. "Daddy? You're alive?" She stands and starts walking toward him but Zexler holds her back from advancing further.

Zexler: "He is not your true father."

Guard: "It's a changeling!"

Lord Van Rijndael: "It's a damned good one if it is. Explain yourselves."

Zexler: "Finally! We are travelers from..." He grabs General Celestia by the shoulders. "She is from a parallel world whose history developed along similar lines to this world, with slight differences. She is that world's Celestia van Rijndael, daughter of another... Lord whatever your name is. I did not study before coming here."

Lord Van Rijndael: "Leonard."

Zexler: "Thank you. The three of us come from different worlds. Her world just happens to be a close copy of yours."

Lord Van Rijndael: "If this is true, why did you come to this world and not that one?"

Zexler: "I did not have the coordinates for that world. I am borrowing her services from the person who does. I did have the coordinates for this world which has the materials that we needed."

Colonel Celestia rises to her knees and asks the other Celestia a question. "Who... is... Boderick?"

General Celestia: "Boderick? I caught Angela kissing a boy of that name, a fisherman's son. It was the year before she passed of typhus. I believe the boy was lost at sea three years later."

Colonel Celestia: "Their tale rings true."

Lord Van Rijndael: "Then I am blessed, for my house once again has two daughters. Come to our household. You will be the most honored guests we have ever hosted other than the Emperor himself."

Zexler: "I must apologise, but we have no intention of staying and our Celestia has other duties to perform."

Celestia: "I have a request to ask of my... her father."

Solaria: "Is the time lock active?"

Zexler: "Yes. We can return to the exact time we left."

Solaria: "Then it would be bad form for us to leave right away."

Rijndael Manor

plot point: Colonel's attitude

Colonel Celestia is moping, still upset at having been defeated. Zexler tells her that their Celestia has been through worse than she has. General Celestia tells her "Chin up. March forward." That helps a bit. Zexler says "She does outrank you. She was a General where she is from." Colonel Celestia laughs and her spirit is improved.

plot point: differences

Someone asks what happened to General Celestia's armor. She tells them that it was destroyed in battle.

plot point: Celestia's new sword

They discuss replacing Celestia's sword.

Lord Van Rijndael: "I would be happy to have the sword replaced, but it will take some time. It is quite intricate work, as you know."

General Celestia: "We can come back at any time to retrieve it. Isn't that right?" She turns to Zexler.

Zexler says "If you want me to split or track the dimension, that will cost extra."

They decide to forge the sword and keep it at the household until they return at some optimal point in time that does not require extra dimensional maintenance.

Plot point: head-hurting dimensional logic

Zexler mentions that if they keep interference in this dimension to a minimum, the dimension will likely collapse into a common thread where they had never arrived, so no one will remember them.

Plot point: Celestia's backstory

Everyone wants to know about General Celestia's life. They also use her stories to glean intelligence about the possible future of the Empire. The messenger pigeons work overtime.

She mentions that it was General Cedrick who betrayed her. Everyone expresses shock and disbelief. They know Cedrick as a good person.

A messenger announces that General Cedrick has arrived. He rode out on a giant falcon as soon as he got the message that someone with powers was fighting Celestia.

General Cedrick walks into the room and sees two Celestias. "Do my eyes deceive me or are there two of you?"

General Celestia looks at him with extreme suspicion as he holds a friendly conversation with the other locals. Cedrick shows no sign of hostility toward her. Solaria notices Celestia's apprehension.

Solaria asks Cedrick to tell a joke.

Cedrick: "Tell a joke?"

Solaria: "Humor me."

Cedrick: "Okay... there was this wise man and his student who went on a trip into the wilds. They explored, they gathered food and firewood, they pitched their tent, and they settled in for the night."

Zexler mumbles "there is a version of this joke in every dimension."

Cedrick: "Oh, then you have heard it before?"

Solaria asks General Celestia: "Do you know this joke?"

General Celestia nods.

Solaria: "So what do you think?"

General Celestia: "I think... that this Cedrick is a man of good nature."

Cedrick: "Well, thank you."

They conclude that this dimension's Cedrick is not evil. The messenger birds deliver a correction to the last message.

Act 4: Sword retrieval

Outside the city

The next morning, Zexler prepares to take his ship out to a stable point in the future, five years from now, that has a high probability of continuing from this exact dimension. This allows them to pick up the sword and foregoes the need to use one of the ship's single-use dimension locking devices.

Zexler arrives to find the city burned down. He grabs the nearest peasant and lifts the man into the air by his shirt, asking "What happened here?" The peasant says that the war started when General Duncan rebelled against the Emperor.

Zexler returns, the locals send out a pigeon with that information, and Zexler goes back again to find the city still burned. This time he is told that the war started when General Mindy attacked General Duncan's forces. He heads back, another pigeon is sent out, and he returns to find the city still burned down because the Emperor thought that the Van Rijndaels were conspiring against him.

Zexler returns and says "tell all the generals that either nobody conspires against the Emperor or each other, or you all get together and agree beforehand on what you are going to do afterward."

An unexpected encounter

Zexler heads back out. The city is still burned down. Zexler shakes his head. He cannot believe it.

"Hey." The voice comes from a floating bald man with glowing things in his head. "The prophecy said that you would be here. Say goodbye to your airship."

Zexler quickly puts a hand to his helmet as the bald man points a hand at his ship. His ship vanishes seconds before the magic attack arrives.

The bald man rises into the air. "Show me what powers you have, Black Knight."

Zexler lowers his plasma rifle. "You have already lost."

Zexler's ship swoops in overhead. He overhears a woman's voice messaging him.

Cat Black: "Hey, Zexler! Payment is upfront."

Zexler brings up the contract on his visor, removes the extra zero that Cat Black had added, and finalizes it.

Cat Black: "Aww, I was hoping you wouldn't notice that!"

The bald man flies into the air and engages Celestia and Cedrick in a magical battle.

Bald man: "You are supposed to be dead! And I killed you myself!"

Then he is blindsided by the other Celestia, and then Cat Black. The four of them easily overpower the new Infused and finish him off with a pair of huge explosions. One of the Celestias casts wind to blow aside the smoke. Cedrick finds a piece of bone and says "It looks like you got him."

Zexler's ship lands and the door opens. As they walk inside, Zexler asks General Celestia, "If we are both out here, who is flying my ship?"

Natasha: "The best pilot in the galaxy!"

Jill: "I wouldn't say that."

Ceilidh is also there. She asks Celestia to teach her flight magic so she can participate in the fight if they need to do this again. Cat discourages her and says "That guy was way out of your league."

They take the ship back to the past, let off the local Celestia and Cedrick, and give warnings to end the infusion program and, seriously, everyone should stop conspiring against each other. They take off again.

Let's try this again

This time the city is still burned down but there is some new construction in progress. They are met by a woman carrying a package wrapped in cloth.

Celestia: "That is General Mindy. She is one of the Infused."

They walk up cautiously.

Mindy: "The prophecy said that you would be here. I kept this safe for you."

Celestia steps forward, takes the package, and unwraps it, revealing her new sword.

Celestia: "Thank you. Is there anything we can do for you?"

Mindy shakes her head. "The troubles are over for now. No one would dare attack us."

Celestia: "Then we will be on our way."

She reaches forward and gives Mindy a hug.

Act 5

The Concert

Remember that there was supposed to be a music concert?

Celestia sings an airy version of Ozzy Osbourne's "No More Tears" as Dick Wood lays down the bass line and Metal Knight handles the guitar.

After the concert is over, the whole group is relaxing.

Opal and her band greet them.

Opal: "Thank for that potion. We were able to play, and we got third place! You are a great singer, by the way."

Celestia: "Thank you."

Dick Wood: "They gave us second place. Sorry, little guy." He reaches over to Metal Knight, sitting in Solaria's lap, and gives him a pat. Metal Knight is not unhappy. He knows that the performance was good and he is proud of it.

Natasha: "So who won? All the bands sounded good and I don't know who is who."

Opal: "Oh, it was that group that had a shark for a drummer."

Show a scene of the Left Shark waving to fans.

Mick's base

Jill fills in Celestia on what happened as the core worlds' shared timeline continued while she was out.

Natasha won her match. Ceilidh lost again. Alex is having her run laps.


Celestia takes Jill out to the Trekkieverse to solve the phaser problem.

They hail the Trekkies at Earth. A Trekkie answers, recognizes them, and happily offers to let them speak to the High Admiral. The screen blips to the High Admiral's office.

The High Admiral has his back to the viewscreen and is hunched over making a snorting noise. He sniffs and turns around with a dazed expression on his face.

Celestia and Jill: "MICK?!???" They thought he was dead.

Mick: "Oh, hey girls! I knew you'd come for me." He dabs his nose with a tissue. "Sorry, I have a case of the sniffles. Can you believe they have all this technology and they still can't cure the common cold?"

Celestia: "How did you end up in charge of the fleet?"

Mick: "Oh, I warned them to put Cannellian Spice in the warp fluid to protect the quantum flux capacitor from a positronic wave attack. It saved an entire 'exploration' fleet from a bunch of bad guys who were going to disable the whole fleet that way. After that, they decided to put me in charge of everything since I already know who is going to attack us and when and how. Anyways, it's great to see you! Can I have my ship back?"

Mick's return

This can be the final scene, or the opening to the next episode.

Mick returns to the base with Celestia and Jill. He is surprised that the season is almost over and praises Celestia for accomplishing so much.

Alex and Ceilidh return from running laps.

Mick: "Hey, Alex! You look great out of your power armor. How much will it take to get the rest off?"

Alex casually asks "How painfully do you want to die?"

Mick: "I'll take that as a 'no'." He turns to Ceilidh. "And you must be... Wait, let me guess. Ceilidh?"

She nods.

Mick turns to Celestia. "You got Ceilidh? I'm impressed! That is a dangerous mission. You could have gotten killed."

Alex: "She almost was. I saved her."

Mick: "I'll give you a big bonus for that. I like having her around."

Ceilidh asks "And to whom might I have the pleasure of speaking?"

Mick: "Oh, I'm Mick. I own this place."

{{insert dialogue here}}

Mick sees that Ceilidh has a losing record and orders her to train before she can take a break. "She's 0 and 4? No no no, that's not acceptable. Get in the box."

Ceilidh is not used to taking orders from him, but Celestia nods her acceptance of his authority.

Ceilidh: "Yes, my lord."

Mick: "Oh, you don't need to m'lord me, just win some fights."

Ceilidh: "Yes, my lord."

Mick grabs a tonfa and follows her. "Alright, let's see what you can do."

Author's notes

This whole story came to me a day after hearing Ozzy on the radio. It just popped into my head and I had to write it down. I had wanted to do a story that involved Metal Knight's music and this checks that off the list.

This story has way too many guests to translate to TV.

  • 5+ detectives
  • 4 in the Teenage Mystery Squad, one who speaks
  • 3 girl rockers
  • 2 Pokemon wannabes
  • 1 priest
  • 1 voice actor for the evil spirit
  • 6 in the FFverse: the quartermaster, Celestia's father, Cedrick, the peasant, the new Infused, and Mindy. The FFverse's guards and messengers can be the 3-man band and other reused actors.
  • Members of other bands in the competition -- recast the previously seen teenagers
  • 1 Trekkie
  • = total of 20 or more extra parts, nearly all speaking parts

I had planned that Celestia would wear out her sword and need to replace it. Her return home involved some long scenes explaining how her story diverged from the FF6verse, closing out these plotlines, and altogether added nothing to the main story while boring to death anyone who does not care about FF6. This version makes a better replacement.

The return of Mick was outlined earlier and might as well go here. It fits with Celestia fixing the phaser problem in the same episode that she fixes the sword problem that was caused by the phaser.

Tyrone's fox might be named Phoenix or Jamie. Mozilla in-jokes.

Celestia was never intended to have a sister. I chose to use the "prove who you are by telling a private secret" gimmick and thought that a dead sister in the past would add some emotional weight to the story.

General Mindy's name is supposed to be a joke on how FF6's Tina had an exotic name for Japan but sounded like a teenybopper name in the USA. An alternate name could be Cyndi or Britney.

This might be the third-to-last story in the series, or maybe fourth-to-last. Ceilidh and Conrad's story would come later since it is during semifinals. Currently I have the end of the arc somewhat mapped out, the beginning of the story is an old version that needs replacing, and there is barely anything in the middle.