Mar. 15th, 2013

This has been out for three years and I hadn't heard of it before? It looks really useful. An interesting point is the reversal of flow control: Instead of a PHP page being an HTML template that breaks into and out of PHP, XHP promotes the design style of a PHP file that breaks into and out of HTML.
Another unrelated awesome project from three years ago: The LBW project is Wine for Windows, allowing ELFs to be run under Windows XP. Immediately impressive is that "it's adequate for ... downloading and installing packages with apt and dpkg" since I could never get apt and dpkg to compile under mingw or cygwin.

It has been in the news that Star Wars 7 is in production, so now is a good time to dump an alternate story idea of mine before the canonical story comes out.

Let me first state that while Star Wars has a large written canon, I have not read much of it and my ideas are not informed by it, so don't expect my ideas to come anywhere close to the canon. Read more... )

Genji Macho

A parody of Tenchi Muyo which popularized the Harem genre of anime which is exactly what it sounds like: a male fantasy where one guy is surrounded by several girls who all love him. An obvious path to parody is to extend the wish fulfillment to its logical consequence in which all the women are visibly pregnant while "Genji" is a nervous wreck trying to budget for future expenses on the income of a backwoods shrinekeeper. The expy-girls exaggerate the behaviours of the characters they were based on for comic effect. Genji is so unexpectedly attractive that every woman he meets tries to have sex with him whether he wants to or not, risking potentially expensive additions to the harem.

It's funny as a concept, but that lasts 30 seconds.

Quick points of potential comedy:

  • expy-Washuu builds a small nuclear reactor that "leaks a bit, but I can fix that later" to save money on the electric bill.
  • expy-Sasami (the young one) asks Genji if they can "do special hugs again". Exaggerate her youth to the borderline between facepalm and throw-remote-through-screen for comic aughfect. If anyone casts aspersions, Genji says "I was drunk!"
  • Genji also knocked up the cabbit. "I was VERY drunk!"

That's still not much material. Here's a potential plotline:

Genji Macho meets Dragonball Z

The gang is visiting Tokyo when a Space Toyota rocket lands in the middle of the street. A shirtless Vegeta-expy exits the rocket, showing off his muscles and announcing "I have traveled six million light years to beat up an average normal person! Hey, you look like a normal person!" Expy-Vegeta grabs Genji by the neck and lifts him into the air.

Expy-Ryoko threatens to kick XPV's ass unless he puts her man down, and all of the other girls cluster around making the same threat.

XPV: "Huh? Are these all your girls?"

Genji: "Uhhuh."

XPV: "Whoa! An average guy gets six women? This planet is awesome! I'm totally staying here!"

One of the girls says that it's not normal.

XPV: "So he's not an average normal person? I almost made a horrible mistake!"

XPV drops Genji and turns to the side to shout "You look like a normal person!" to some guy who was listening to an iPod and gets off a brief "huh?" before XPV starts pounding him into the pavement.

Later, XPV's equally spikey-haired, muscular, shirtless sister shows up to thank the team for keeping her brother out of trouble and/or helping him in some other way, and of course she falls in love with Genji and becomes the screw-of-the-week.

That is still not much material, which is why I'm posting this as a brief outline of the idea rather than trying to make a story out of it.

It would not surprise me if a parody along these lines has already been done. The idea is so obvious.

BTW, here's a link to the Tenchi Muyo opening song.

Asshole World

This would be a parody of Accel World, an anime in which (I've heard; haven't seen it) a dumpy-looking boy plays an MMORPG and then elements from the virtual reality begin to intrude upon real life. In the parody, he makes up for all of the grief and teasing he has gotten over his lifetime by becoming a PKing griefer in-game, and this attitude starts to leak into his behaviour in real life. In every episode, he does something extraordinarily and hilariously outrageous that makes a bystander say "Wow... what an asshole!"

  • In game, he will sit outside the newbie town and one-shot a Level 1 player as soon as he exits the gate, then point down at the body and horse-laugh "HAW HAW HAW" at him.
  • An in-game showdown with another powerful player leads to a one-way exchange of taunts and insults that leaves the other player is shocked, amused, and then bored. The other player decides not to fight and turns around to leave, so the asshole shoots him in the back.
  • IRL, he begins to drive a jacked-up red truck with giant tires and a Confederate flag, intentionally cutting people off in traffic and driving like a maniac. Mind you, this is taking place in Japan.
  • He griefs a teacher of his who is learning the game from a nephew, to the point where the teacher says "This game is supposed to be fun, right?" The nephew calls in his friends to even the odds, and the asshole summons the admins and gets the nephew's whole crew kicked from the game for harassing him.
  • He steals in-game currency (worth real money) from a Russian mobster who decides to pay him a personal visit during a business trip to Japan. After the mobster gives him some words of appreciation for the ballsiness of what he did and a warning not to do it again, he leaks/invents information that gets the mobster in trouble with the powers that be in Moscow.
  • If something shows up in the news or the culture as an asshole thing to do, he does it. SWATing? Definitely. Bonus points for magnificence, offensiveness, and harmlessness (funny before cruel).

Eventually, at some shadowy headquarters, a subordinate reports to the big boss...

SUBORDINATE: "There is somebody who you ought to be aware of."

The big boss flips through the printout and throws it down on his desk, revealing himself to be...

DENNIS LEARY: "Do you really think this little twerp could possibly be a threat to my position?"

SUBORDINATE: "He shows potential."

DENNIS LEARY: "Keep an eye on him. By the way, your shoe's untied."

The subordinate looks down. Dennis Leary flicks up his nose and laughs.

At the next meeting, it goes like this:

DENNIS LEARY: "... By the way, your shoe's untied."

SUBORDINATE: "I'm not falling for that a second time."

Dennis Leary stomps a foot down on the subordinate's untied shoelace, tripping him.

This idea has the potential to go somewhere, perhaps as an Improfanfic story (omg they're still around) or even its own show if someone threw money at it. I don't have the time, motivation, or knowledge of the source material to come up with a single storyline for it.

Phil McGrack

Phil McGrack (based on Dr. Phil McGraw) is a TV talk-show psychologist. He will bring someone on to the show to explain their life's problems, and then in the kindest, gentlest voice he will say something like this:

  • "It's your problem. Deal with it."
  • "You see, your problems are your fault."

Then cut to a reaction shot from the fuming guest.

Comedy comes from the fact that everybody at some point in their lives has met somebody who came to them expecting sympathy while deserving to hear exactly that, but it is not polite to say so. McGrack completely ignores that social taboo and does so in an unexpectedly sympathetic tone of voice, the complete opposite of the stereotypical gruffness of most people who would say something like that.

This idea only has the potential to be a brief 30-second sub-parody in another story. There is only one joke and it gets old fast.

Iran is investigating the possibility of filing war crimes charges in international court against the makers of the movie Argo. We also get this nonsense from troofer Barbara Honegger on Kevin Barrett's radio show, which somehow Iran's PressTV news agency has heard of and listens to and finds worthy of repetition:
Ben Affleck might one day be hanged for war crimes and treason – not only for Argo, which she said is designed to pave the road to war on Iran, but also for his role in the 2001 film Pearl Harbor, an earlier intelligence operation designed to pave the road to the 9/11 “New Pearl Harbor.”

Iran is getting its legal advice on this matter from Weird Al.

via Fark and user Snarfangel who made the connection.
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