The Other Captain

[tangaroa]

Scene: A clearing at the edge of a jungle bluff. Every villain from the Captain Planet series is there facing off the Planeteers, along with a few new characters who will be described shortly.

LEAD VILLAIN: "We've won, Planeteers! We've captured your precious Captain Planet and tied him up in chains made of PURE POLLUTION, and we're going to dip him into a vat of PURE POLLUTION!"

PLANETEER: "Let's use our power rings to save the Captain!"

LEAD VILLAIN: "You don't know you've already lost. We've planned for this."

The LEAD VILLAIN introduces his new tactics while each respective Planeteer gasps in response.

"For you with the power of fire, we have this fireman who can put out any of your fires!"

"For you with the power of water, we have this giant tampon that can absorb anything you throw at us!"

"For you with the wind power, this is Eddie Garcia, four-time winner of the El Paso chili cookoff! He has the most powerful wind on the planet!" (to other villains:) "Don't stand behind him."

"For you with the power of the Earth, we have a helicopter!" (mumbling:) "I can't believe it took us this long to come up with this idea."

"And for you with the Heart power, we have this Care Bear, Lovey LovesALot. He has more heart than you do. Look at this. He has a big heart symbol on his chest. That tells you how much heart he has."

The Planeteers huddle in a panic.

PLANETEER 1: "What do we do now?"

PLANETEER 2: "What can we do?"

PLANETEER 3: "We have to call the other Captain."

This plan meets with grumbling disapproval, but they have no choice.

The Planeteers each stand up, remove their ring, put their ring into a pocket, reach into another pocket, pull out another ring, put the other ring on their finger, pose, and begin to summon the other Captain.

"Style!"

"Ego!"

"Punching!"

"Punching!"

"And more punching!"

A blue pod shreds through the jungle.

CAPTAIN: "With these powers combined..."

The pod breaks through the jungle into the clearing and slides to a halt while the other Captain leaps out, punches the air a few times, and poses.

CAPTAIN: "I am CAPTAIN FALCON! Hah! Hu-ah! Hah! Show me your moves."

PLANETEERS: (with mild enthusiasm) "Go, Falcon!"

CAPTAIN: "Really? You want me to go?" (he starts getting back into the racing pod)

PLANETEERS: "No!" "No!" "Go punch those guys!"

CAPTAIN: "Okay!"

Captain Falcon falcon-punches villains into the distant sky.

One of the villains writes out his will while Captain Falcon is announcing his attack.

Captain Falcon rolls under the fireman's water spray before punching him. After being punched into the distance, the fireman drags the hose and the whole fire-truck into the distance with him.

Captain Falcon tastes a spoonful of Eddie Garcia's chili and enjoys it. Eddie offers to sell him a pot. Captain Falcon does not punch him.

Captain Falcon smiles widely while punching the Care Bear.
LOVEY: "Feel the power of love!"
CAPTAIN: "I love to punch things!"

Captain Falcon punches the vat of pure pollution off the cliff, and then starts freeing Captain Planet from his chains.

PLANETEER: "Uhh... you just spilled pure pollution all over the rainforest. That's going to get into the rivers and and poison the ground water supply."

CAPTAIN FALCON: "Oops."

CAPTAIN PLANET: "I can handle this."

Captain Planet flies away.

CAPTAIN FALCON: "Thanks! Hoo hah! Who's left to punch?"

LEAD VILLAIN: "Is that really all you do, is punch people?"

CAPTAIN: "YEAH!"

LEAD VILLAIN: "I believe there's more to you than that. Why don't YOU show me your OTHER moves?"

CAPTAIN: "Actually, I do have another attack. FALCON KICK!"

The Lead Villain steps out of the way while Captain Falcon falcon-kicks off the edge of the bluff and falls into the jungle below like Wile E. Coyote.

The lead villain takes a step into his escape helicopter, then turns and says a few words to the Planeteers.

LEAD VILLAIN: (smiling) "I've played Smash."